He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
