your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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