We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize