I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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