He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
