When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
