On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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