I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
