i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
love makes seman taste better
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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