There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
