Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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