I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
