one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
