So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
worst night to have a conscience
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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