ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
