This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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