U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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