I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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