Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
