Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
