do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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