Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
