Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
