she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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