How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
