the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
