nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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