New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
