You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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