The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
