Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize