she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
