The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
