Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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