does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
