You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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