I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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