Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
