I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
