things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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