im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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