the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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