I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
