my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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