Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
