how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
