i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
