i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
