don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
