Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
