"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
