My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
