capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
