Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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