I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
