I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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