I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
