Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
