I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
