it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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