if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
