hell yes lets make some ravioli
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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