I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
