just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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