I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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