Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize