Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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