none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
