I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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