The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
