Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
