just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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