Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
