You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
