So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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