love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
