1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize