bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
