I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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