nut hugger
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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