i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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