i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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