He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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