my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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