We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you would pick up someone in the library
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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